


Nervous

by Bleepblopbloop56, redsplosive



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, French Kissing, Kissing, Logic | Logan Sanders-centric, M/M, Making Out, Mutual Pining, Pining, Practice Kissing, Romantic Fluff, background platonic lamp - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2020-07-11 14:04:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19929280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bleepblopbloop56/pseuds/Bleepblopbloop56, https://archiveofourown.org/users/redsplosive/pseuds/redsplosive
Summary: “Here, how about I just, Uhm, -- Well, what if I show you? Would that be okay?” Patton asks him with a shy voice which makes Logan wonder if the tone of Patton's inflection means he is just as nervous as Logan is. Logan asks himself if that's what he's feeling. Is it nervousness?Patton smiles encouragingly at him and Logan audibly gulps, already nodding his head stiffly in agreement.(In which Logan needs some help understanding why people kiss and so he goes for to Patton for help. Then they make out and logicality ensues)





	1. Chapter 1

Logan had no clue as to what Roman found so compelling about kissing. The target of Roman's most recent fascination was the phenomenon 'making out'. Sure, Logan's previous testing had revealed much earlier in Thomas' life that cooties were not, in fact, real, but that still didn't mean Logan understood the purpose of kissing recreationally.

Logan supposes he understands the evolutionary purposes of kisses well enough. Especially as it wasn't at all uncommon for Roman and Patton to peck each other on the lips, kiss the others cheek, or any manner of other kissing related rituals. Virgil has even started participating in these rituals on occasion. The closest thing Logan had participated in personally have been the handful of times he'd been caught underneath Roman's obligatory mistletoe around the holidays.

However, the difference between these instances was the time span of a kiss. From the data Logan has collected he approximates the ideal kiss is between 1 to 3 seconds in duration. Any longer than that he figures would be excessive. This time span was the usual protocol for the behaviors Logan had observed in the other sides casual affections.

But Roman had expressed his desire for Thomas to make out with most handsome of boys, which confused Logan. As well as the prince's own desire for an equally beautiful prince that he could spend his time locking lips with. So Logan began wondering if he needs to rework his hypothesis.

When one doesn't understand something the natural response is to ask questions. Logan is smart enough to know that Roman and Virgil would laugh at him. So that's how Logan ends up sitting cross-legged on Patton's bed with him, asking him about 'making out'.

“Well, Logan, kissing can be, y'know... good! It's fun! It's a way of showing someone you care about them. Do you understand?” Patton tries.

Logan sort of understands that. However, his confusion was not with the concept of giving or receiving a kiss, but rather with kiss- _ing_. Patton seems to read the dilemma on his face, and lets out a giggle. Logan tries again.

“It's not that I don't understand, it's this 'making out' thing. Why is it that people want, well, to do...” Logan makes an exaggerated gesture with his hands as if it will help him explain. Logan shoots Patton an exasperated look as he begins giggling a little louder.

Something feels fluttery in Logan's stomach and he doesn't like it.

They're sat across from each other on Patton's bedspread and Logan shifts awkwardly on the comforter. Logan breaks eye contact with Patton and glances off to the side, searching for an excuse to leave and not have to sit there while Patton laughs at him.

Patton sees Logan's reaction and stops giggling immediately. Patton quietly clears his throat and places his hand over Logan's on the bed, and Logan's gaze jumps back to meet his. Patton is a little closer than he was before. Logan feels the instinctive kick to lean away from him but forces himself to stay put.

“Here, how about I just, Uhm, -- Well, what if I show you? Would that be okay?” Patton asks him with a shy voice which makes Logan wonder if the tone of Patton's inflection means he is just as nervous as Logan is. Logan asks himself if that's what he's feeling. Is it nervousness?

Patton smiles encouragingly at him and Logan audibly gulps, already nodding his head stiffly in agreement.

Something is rising in Logan's chest. Something bubbling up like a soda that's been shaken and opened to fizz over. It feels like when Thomas is on a roller coaster and the cart is climbing up to the top of a dip before shooting down the rails.

No, nervous doesn't seem like the right word. Nervousness is not what Logan is experiencing as Patton takes Logan's glasses off of his face for him. Patton folds them carefully in his lap, giving Logan time to think before he sets them off to the side next to his pair.

Logan is almost certain the correct definition for the sensation he feels as Patton scoots forwards, lays his hand back over Logan's, leans in, -- is excitement.

Patton's lips press against his and Logan learns two new things about kissing.

Firstly, Logan quickly gathers that he is supposed to close his eyes. So he does. Secondly, it's warm. Much warmer than Logan had expected. Patton's hand is warm against Logan's, and Patton's body is warm as he presses even closer. Patton's lips against his own are warm. And then, they move.

Logan panics at the sudden realization that he doesn't actually know _how_ to kiss. So at first Logan just lets Patton kiss him and hopes that he doesn't embarrass himself. Patton parts his lips against his, then moves to place another gentle kiss on Logan's lips. And then again, and once more.

While Logan's mind scrambles to analyze the optimal amount of suction it takes to kiss Patton back, his body takes over. Logan's lips are moving clumsily against Patton's before he even tells them too. And it works.

Patton's free hand comes to rest on Logan's shoulder, and he jumps slightly in surprise, then relaxes again. Patton attempts to move closer to him and Logan has to uncross his legs to give Patton better access to press their chests together.

The sudden shock of movement is quickly soothed away as Patton's head tilts to one side and he kisses Logan a bit more recklessly. Logan thinks he understands what 'deepening' a kiss means now. It is deeper, and it is warmer and wetter than before.

Logan feels a press against his lips and he parts them immediately, barely stopping to think. Patton squeezes his hand reassuringly. Logan tries his best to copy Patton while his mind swirls and Patton softens his tongue, tracing the line of lips. Logan melts against the feeling as Patton slides his tongue over Logan's in between kisses.

Logan's certain his chest is about to explode. It must be close because it burns and it stings but in the best way possible. Logan knows that his thoughts aren't coherent, but Logan is having trouble making sense of anything because every nerve in his body is alight.

Logan feels entirely too full of something, some emotion, that Patton is causing in Logan as he kisses him and kisses him _and kisses him._ Logan's all but forgotten how to move his diaphragm to make himself breathe. He's beginning to think he also understands what making someone 'breathless' means now too.

Patton somehow manages to crowd nearer even though there is no room left between them. Their bodies are flush against one another and Logan has to lean backward against Patton's advances. Patton's hand moves from gripping his shoulder to lay sweetly at the back of his neck. The short hairs at the base of Logan's head stand up and Logan's pretty sure that his skin has broken into goosebumps under Patton's fingertips.

The blunt of Patton's teeth dully drag across Logan's bottom lip and Logan forgets how to think. Logan fades fully into the sensation, which is so foreign from the accustomed easy slip of Patton's lips. It doesn't hurt, but the action stands in stark contrast to the gentle pressure of Patton's ministrations up until then; a sudden sharpness against the curtain of soft kisses Patton had been showering him with.

Logan's chest finally does burst.

It might have had something to do with Logan not remembering how to breathe, but a sound spills over Logan's lips and falls against Patton's mouth.

It's less of a noise and more of a breath. A puff of air that punches out of Logan's lungs and into the open room. A single pant, and suddenly Logan's system is reminding itself how to function aerobically and take in oxygen. His eyes fly open and Patton is only inches away from him, looking at him. Logan takes in a breath and suddenly slammed with the full force of his embarrassment.

Logan's cheeks burn and he purses his lips, leaning back, away from Patton. Logan drags his hand away from underneath Patton's and places it behind him to lean against when he moves away. But instead of landing on the soft mattress, Logan's hand grasps at nothing but air. Logan's eyes go wide as his hand goes behind him, falls, and goes down, taking him along with it.

Logan's weight shifts and his legs fly up as he falls off the back of Patton's bed.

“Are you okay!?” Patton asks immediately, his head appearing over the side of the mattress to look down at him with a frantic, worried expression.

Logan lets himself stay on the floor for a moment and wonders distantly if it actually is possible to die of embarrassment. Dying would feel like a relief to the hot, prying feeling nagging at his senses as if saying 'Oh my God. You kissed a boy and then you fell off of his bed. Oh my God!'.

Logan closes his eyes, unable to look Patton in the eye, and gives him a sheepish thumbs up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton’s hands fall down on Logan’s shoulders, rubbing circles with his thumbs, and he pecks Logan’s lips and smiles again, sheepishly.
> 
> “Relax,” Patton prompts effortlessly again and Logan breathes out a laugh and glances away, but lets the tension in his chest relax.
> 
> They’re being quiet, for some reason. They’re both whispering as if speaking any louder would break the companionable silence. It’s an unspoken agreement that Logan somehow understands completely. He likes it when Patton whispers like his words are a secret just for him.

Logan wonders if Patton has broken him.

Not physically of course. Sure, he fell off Patton’s bed last time, but it wasn’t that far a drop. It mostly wounded his pride. Patton seemed very understanding and even helped him up. They only talked for a few more minutes before Logan quickly excused himself back to his room.

Logan still feels bad for leaving so abruptly, but he couldn’t help it. He needed time to process.

Not that time alone has granted him much closure. 

It’s not that he regrets it. Far from it, in fact. Logan wants to do it again, if possible. Logan definitely wants to kiss Patton again.

Patton was right, it was fun. It was… good. It was a pleasurably enriching experience that Logan wishes to learn more about. Purely for the pursuit of knowledge. And Patton is a perfectly adequate teacher.

So why is he having trouble asking?

It’s been a full day since they last kissed and Logan has been thinking about it since. That evening after dinner Logan retreats to the washroom to brush his teeth and get ready for bed. But instead of changing into his sleep clothes Logan takes in his tired expression in the mirror.

"Why don't I just go talk to him?” Logan asks himself, braces his hands on either side of the sink. 

“Well, because that would be... preposterous. Wouldn't it?" He answers himself and he splashes some water on his face to get some relief. Logan wipes the towel over his face and glances back at his reflection, "Wouldn't it?"

Somehow, Logan finds himself standing outside of Patton's door. Logan is trying to figure out the least suspicious pattern of beats in a series of knocks to play against Patton’s door. Logan puts down his hovering fist and shakes out his hands at his side. There’s some sort of static sizzling through his veins and Logan lets out a slow breath.

It’s dim in the hallway. It’s only lit by the window and the automatic night light Virgil installed in at the top of the stairs. As Logan is building up the courage to knock on Patton's door, the door swings inwards. Patton appears in the doorway and jumps and Logan blinks at him. 

"Oh, well gee, hiya there!" Patton manages out.

"Hello?" Logan tries, still frozen, trying to think of the proper way to phrase this before Patton leaves.

Logan scratches the back of his neck and decides to dive in.

"You see, I was going to knock on your door. I wished to proceed with the intent to inquire if you wished to resume our previous activities. The activities from... last night." Logan rushes out robotically. He quietly curses himself for sounding more as if he was proposing a merger in a business meeting, rather than the continuing of a make-out session. 

"Yep, yes.” Patton starts nodding at him and Logan thinks he’s imagined it for a second. Logan’s heart jumps in his chest. “I was going over to your room to ask you the same thing."

"Really?" Logan asks obtusely but Patton has already busied himself by grabbing Logan’s hands. Patton pulls him gently into the room, grinning ear to ear, and Logan steps with him obediently. Patton’s grin is infectious but Logan manages to bite down a smile in his excitement as Patton shuts the door behind them. 

Logan has been in Patton’s room before, but now he takes it in fully. Logan glances at the desk in the corner with pictures of them all wallpapering the back of the desk. There’s a fluffy rug under his feet and a comforter lying over the bed with a sheep pattern on it. It always smells like warm marshmallow candles, but Logan doesn’t recall Patton ever having one lit.

The room is dim and lit by the glowing sunset projecting through the room’s single window, sending rosy orange tones glancing around the room.

Patton leads him forwards and Logan sits down on the edge of the bed. Patton releases him so Logan can remove his glasses and place them on the bedside table. When he turns back Logan notices Patton already had his glasses off to begin with.

“You left last night, so I wasn’t sure if you’d want to again,” Patton tells him as he hovers closer.

“Oh, I’m sorry I-” Logan tries to start but Patton is already pressing his lips to his, placing his hands on Logan’s shoulders. Logan’s hands fly up to hold onto Patton’s elbows. Logan can feel Patton smiling against his lips, pressing kiss after kiss against his mouth, wetting Logan’s lips with his tongue like it’s nothing.

But he must know it isn’t nothing. Patton must see how it affects him. Logan’s eyes flutter shut.

_“Ah-”_ Logan lets out a stuttered breath as Patton presses his teeth against his lip, nipping lightly. Logan can barely keep up but he feels electricity shooting through his veins. Logan’s short-circuiting. Logan pulls back a few inches and purses his lips immediately, but Patton doesn’t flinch.

“Do you like it when I do that? I wasn’t sure.” Patton whispers lowly, his mouth moving just above Logan’s, drifting against Logan’s lips. 

Logan gulps, embarrassed and unsure of how to answer. How is he supposed to answer that? Of course, he does, could Patton not hear him? So Logan gulps and nods twice as his face feels hot. Logan doesn’t really blush but he’s sure that if he did he would be red by now. 

“Okay, whew, good. I wasn’t sure.” Patton expresses in relief and he soothes his hands over Logan's shoulders comfortingly.

“Yes, I do. I just — it just surprises me is all.” Logan forces himself to verbalize and peeks one eye open. Patton smiles down at him warmly. Logan lets out a shaky breath.

Patton puts one of his hands at Logan's side and places another sweet kiss on his lips. Logan presses back, following Patton’s lead. Patton kisses him slowly moving his head to a rhythm Logan doesn’t fully understand yet. Letting his hands fall behind him, Logan diverts his weight back on them and makes sure the end of the bed is nowhere near him this time.

Tension bubbles in Logan’s chest and he sighs easily through his noses to let it out. He lets the wave of emotion wash over him, leaving him warm and tingling in the aftermath of the affection plucking him open, leaving him vulnerable to Patton’s ministrations. 

“Lean back,” Patton suggests quietly, softly, and Logan instantly lowers himself to put his weight on his elbows. Patton shuffles away from him for a second to give Logan the room to pull his legs onto the bed to they don’t dangle off. If Logan were to lay down his head would rest against Patton’s pillows, but for now, he remains raised on his arms. 

Patton settles back down over him, easily pressing one knee into the mattress at the side of Logan’s hip. Patton’s other knee finds a place between Logan’s legs, but not close enough to be anything other than innocent. Still, though, Logan grips the bed sheets lightly in his fingers at the change of positions.

Patton’s hands fall down on Logan’s shoulders, rubbing circles with his thumbs, and he pecks Logan’s lips and smiles again, sheepishly.

“Relax,” Patton prompts effortlessly again and Logan breathes out a laugh and glances away, but lets the tension in his chest relax.

They’re being quiet, for some reason. They’re both whispering as if speaking any louder would break the companionable silence. It’s an unspoken agreement that Logan somehow understands completely. He likes it when Patton whispers like his words are a secret just for him.

Patton’s fingers run along the base of Logan’s neck and his eyes flutter closed reflexively. 

"Where did you learn to do this?" Logan blurts out breathlessly. Logan spoke too loudly, too harshly, and something snaps in between them.

Because Logan’s brain is turning to mush under Patton’s fingertips and right now he isn’t even kissing him. Patton is barely touching him and Logan can’t concentrate. But as soon as he asks he doesn't want to know the answer. He isn’t sure he wants to know where Patton learned this from. Logan doesn't want to think about Patton kissing Roman or someone else like this. 

Logan's eyes twitch open again and he stares pointedly at Patton’s chest. Something turns sour in his throat and before Logan's face can pull itself into something twisted, Patton’s hand finds his chin and he tilts his face upwards. Patton murmurs close to his face again.

"I dunno, the internet, I guess," Patton responds normally and shrugs. Patton looks like he’s going in for another kiss and Logan finds his head pulling away unconsciously in his befuddlement. Patton makes a face at him, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion, their faces still close.

"You haven't done this before? With anyone?" Logan sort of wishes he was able to stop talking so they could go back to kissing, but now the question is out there he can’t leave it without an answer.

"No, not really. Well, Roman and I have given each other pecks on the lips. But we did go this far. It wasn't... well, we didn't..." Patton says a little anxiously, pulling away from him a bit now, his hand falling from Logan’s chin to fiddle with one of his curls. Patton’s gaze drifts away from Logan and down to the mattress. 

"It wasn't like this?" Logan suggests because he thinks he understands. Patton looks back and Logan. Then, his eyes glance down at Logan's lips, and Logan sees it. Patton nods. 

Something clicks back in place. Logan is suddenly distinctly aware of his own heartbeat picking up and slamming thunderously in his chest. His knees are weak and he’s glad he doesn’t need to bother standing. Instead, Logan quickly summons the courage he has left for his next actions.

He transfers his weight and leans forwards enough to bring one hand behind Patton’s head. Logan’s fingers flit into Patton’s hair and he gently pulls him towards him. Logan tilts his head as Patton does and he kisses him. 

It shouldn’t have been too different. He and Patton have been kissing the entire time since he had entered his room tonight. But Logan hadn’t really kissed Patton yet, not even last night. It had been Patton kissing him, or them mutually working together to help Logan figure out how this works. But Logan thinks he’s gathered enough information to try it himself.

Patton’s curls are soft and they slip out of his fingers, so he has to keep moving them. Logan’s fingers gently flitter through his hair absently as he tries to figure out what to do with his mouth. Logan tilts his head once more to kiss Patton another time, nudging a flattened tongue against the seam of Patton’s lips. 

Logan notices Patton’s lips are ever so slightly chapped. But he doesn’t have time to linger on that as Patton’s tongue slips easily against his. Patton shamelessly lets out a noise for him. A deep, stuttered hum from that back of his throat, that forces out of Patton like a fractured whine. 

Pride bursts pleasantly in Logan, spreading warmth melting over his chest so that Logan has to try not to grin goofily as Patton licks into his mouth. Logan tries to focus on what he’s doing with his tongue but it all bleeds into a wet, messy clutter of chasing the sensation of the other's mouth against theirs.

The arm holding Logan up aches so he has to remove his hand from Patton’s hair and retreat back to leaning his weight on his elbows. Logan uses the break to catch his breath and he glances up at Patton under his eyelashes. The room is dark now. The sunset lighting the room from the window has almost completely retreated beyond the horizon and it makes Logan wonder how long they’ve been here. 

Patton drifts closer, leaning into his space, his hands pushing Logan down until his back hits the sheets and he lays fully against the mattress. Patton’s hands reach behind Logan and Patton gets closer, almost nose-to-nose with him as Logan holds his breath. All Logan can sense is the sweet smell of Patton’s sheets and the warm breath whisk over his face. Logan doesn’t know what to do, so he just freezes. His lungs scream for air but the anticipation leaves them useless, unable to move even if he tried.

Patton twists slightly and Patton’s hand retreats back from the lamp on the bedside table as the room is bathed in a warm, yellow light. Patton draws back from him, but only by a few inches, hovering above him with his hands planted on the sheets either side of Logan’s head.

Logan is greeted with a sight to behold. Patton's curls fan down and frame his face, frizzy from Logan running his hands through his hair. His cheeks have a faint dusting of a blotchy, faded pink, and Patton’s pupils are blown wide to match. Logan wonders if his lips are equally as dark and wet like Patton's are from biting, and sucking, and kissing each other's lips. Patton’s shoulders rise and fall as he breathes and Patton looks down at him with an expression Logan has never seen anyone make before.

As Logan sucks in a breath at the sight of him, it reminds Logan to breathe, and he decides he never wants to forget that look. Logan digs his fingernails into his palms from where his arms lay dumbly at his side.

Patton's lips form a smile and his eyebrows tilt endearingly upwards. 

"I just wanted to be able to see you," Patton says like it’s easy. Something in Logan's stomach roars, and blooms, and rises to a boiling point. Patton’s words crash over him like waves and send him reeling, with nothing to hold on to as his ship barrels headfirst into the stormy sea. Patton moves closer, adjusting so that his elbows press into the sheets beside Logan's heads, boxing him in comfortably.

Patton kisses him. It was a tidal wave of a moment breaking into something entirely new. Patton closes his eyes and kisses Logan, then Patton pulls back, hovering above him and gazing over the features of Logan's face. Logan watches him as well, entranced. Then Patton tilts his head the opposite way and stoops back down to place another series of kisses on Logan’s lips, only to gently pull back and watch Logan’s face. 

Logan lets out little breaths when he can, trying to make himself relax. He still isn’t comfortable with making noises like Patton was, but he’s finding it easier to fade away into Patton’s easy cadence of affections.

Logan's lips stumble against his as Patton shifts his weight onto one arm, his other finding its way to Logan’s hip and settling over his shirt. Logan’s hands wobble up to grasp at Patton’s sweater. Patton moved carefully, sliding his hand upwards slowly and giving Logan time to react, time to say something if he's uncomfortable. But Logan remains silent, hoping Patton takes it as permission. 

Patton pulls forwards again, gazing down at him. But Logan doesn't trust himself to speak, and the feeling is everything but unwelcome. The slow, purposeful drag of Patton's fingertips over his shirt, the feeling of his palm warming Logan's skin. Logan thinks it's a nice pressure when Patton squeezes his waist.

“Patton,”

It was brilliant and exhilarating and new. It seemed every time Logan got used to a feeling — Patton’s tongue in his mouth, his teeth on hip lips, Patton hovering over top of him, — Patton did something else that made Logan lose himself. Adding some new stimulus to the experiment to gauge how Logan reacted to the sensation. 

And react he did.

Patton's hand pushes upwards, exposing Logan's skin to the cool air, quickly replacing the cover of his shirt with his fingertips. Patton's blunt nails sweep over his stomach as he explores the expanse of his skin, pressing down delicately feel the surface hold back under his fingers. 

It almost tickled, but it didn’t. Instead, it sent jolts through Logan’s body and pooled in his gut and twisted away the edges of his higher reasoning skills. Logan's still breathing heavy, panting, and unable to catch his breath. He doesn’t dare open his eyes — he doesn’t think he’d survive the sight of Patton looking at his face right now.

_ “Patton, --” _

Patton pulls at his bottom lip with his teeth again but doesn’t kiss him yet. Logan lets out a single, loud, harsh breath through his nose. Logan unconsciously lifts himself up to arch into his touch. Patton’s warm. So warm, it’s like he’s leaving trails of blazing fire in the wake of his touch. Logan's entire chest feels like it’s opened up and he can breathe in all the air in the atmosphere and yet he’s still drowning.

Patton’s head falls and gently bumps against Logan’s chest and Logan’s eyes fly open. Logan blinks frantically and Patton heaves out a shaky pant that’s a half-laugh. Logan goes still.

“Okay, hold on. — Let’s just take a sec, and just…” Patton breathes out with difficulty. Logan can see the tips of his ears are red.

“Did I do something wrong?” Logan asks, in a surprisingly steady tone.

“No, no, not at all. I’m just… Whoa,” Patton tries and that calms Logan’s fear at least marginally. Suddenly, Patton picks up one of his legs and swings over him, collapsing to lay beside Logan on the bed. 

Logan turns towards Patton, still dumbstruck and unaware of what to do for once. Logan doesn’t know where to go from here. Should he leave? 

But Patton smiles at him, still trying to catch his breath. So Logan takes a deep breath in, and out, and follows his lead. Patton giggles at him as Logan adjusts a pillow behind his head with a huff. Patton drops his head to rest under Logan’s chin.

“My hands are shaking a bit.” Patton muses, holding his hands up to his face but Logan can’t see it from this position. So he just hums in understanding.

“That is a… ‘big mood’.” Logan struggles out, hoping he’s using the term correctly. Patton giggles again, but pecks Logan’s adams apple quickly. 

“That was a lot but… in a good way though? Right?” Patton inquires, becoming quieter near the end of his question. Logan swallows dryly. 

“Yes.” Logan supplies, the night’s events flashing across his memory. Patton can’t see his face so Logan lets a nervous smile adorn his face and promises, “In a good way.”

He wonders if Patton can hear how fast his heart is beating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm at the-red-pillow on tumblr and bleep is at the same name on tumblr too! Thank's to bleep for talking with me, bleep is The Only Reason chapter 2 got finished fhkfddjah

**Author's Note:**

> Blease hit me up on my tumblr and SCREAM about Sanders sides yall im the-red-pillow


End file.
